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Learn to look

First of all, let us recap what we have learnt about Crucial Conversation (CC) in an interview. In my previous article, I’ve shared about Start with Heart which is the 1st tool we have learnt on how to adapt CC skills into an interview. In today’s article, I would like to share the 2nd tool which is Learn to Look.

So what is actually we need to do in Learn to Look?

There are 3 main elements that we need to do in Learn to Look:

1. Learn to Look for when a Conversation becomes Crucial

2. Learn to Look for Silence and Violence

3. Learn to Look for Your own Style under Stress

1. Learn to Look for when a Conversation becomes Crucial

A conversation will become crucial when (1) stakes are high, (2) opinion varies and (3) emotions run strong. These 3 criterias are commonly happening in an interview. Click here to learn more.

2. Learn to Look for Silence and Violence

Adapted from CC Toolkit, a typical outcome from a crucial conversation is either Violence or Silence.

Violence- any action taken to aggressively react to others against your point of view. There are 3 forms of violence:

controlling – cutting others off in a conversation, overstating our opinions, forcefully changing the subject & etc

labeling – accusing with calling names, stereotype or in a category of people

attacking – physical or emotional abusive attack

Silence – action taken to withhold information and telling the truth. Also consists of 3 forms of silence:

masking - sugarcoating, couching, react but not showing the truth

avoiding – stay completely away from talking sensitive issues

withdrawing – stop talking and pulling out from a conservation

3. Learn to Look for Your own Style Under Stress

Do you aware your style under stress? Below is a survey that you can take to identify your style. Answer True or False.

1) (Withdrawing): Sometimes I avoid situations that might bring me in contact with people I’m having problem with.

2) (Avoid): Sometimes I will try to change subject or prevent from dealing with awkward and stressful subject.

3) (Masking): Rather than telling people exactly what I think, sometimes I will rely on jokes or offer weak or insincere compliments

4) (Controlling): Sometimes I will exaggerate my opinion or cut people off and change the subject in a conversation

5) (Labeling): When others make points that seems to be stupid to me, I sometimes let them know directly or make sarcastic remarks

6) (Attacking): In an heated argument, sometimes I will say things that might hurt them personally

If you answer True to the 1st 3 questions, than you tend to be Silence at stress and if you answer True to the last 3 questions, you are Violence at stress. If you answer True to more than 3 questions, you tend to have multiple styles (silence & violence) at stress.

By understanding your style at stress, you are able to manage the interview effectively to your advantage. The main point that you will need to remember is that each of the above style will not help you to be effective in an interview, avoid each of these styles and always think win-win.

John’s mistakes

1. Learn to Look for when a Conversation becomes Crucial

A simple saying tells it all” If you know, you will be aware, if you don’t know, then you will not know”. So obviously John is not aware that interview is actually a Crucial Conversation and there are some skills to be effective in it.

2. Learn to Look for Silence and Violence

This is the most difficult part for many of us to master even for myself. John didn’t realize that Linda & the senior manager are actually at silence. Linda who was smiling to John when he ignored her attempt to start a conversation was actually masking her dislike feeling of John. The senior manager who started to get bored with John’s continuously boasting on his achievements, maskingly brought him out for a factory tour and introduced to some of his staff. Pity John who thought Linda’s & the senior manager’s reaction to him is so positive than gave him a false hope. Furthermore, when the senior manager asked Linda’s opinion about John, only negative remarks were given.

In the book “Games Companies Play -The Job Hunter’s Guide to Playing Smart & Winning Big in the High-Stakes Hiring Game” by Dr. Pierre Mornell, he mentioned that it’s not uncommon for a candidate to be evaluated in an informal way before the interview officially begins. The strategy suggested in this book that you must realize that the “interview” is already started as soon as you walk through the door. Pay close attention to the receptionists, secretaries and assistants. Their inputs about you may be taken into consideration.

In an interview, even though you are expected to talk but talk with caution. DO NOT over emphasize or under emphasize a point that you would like to impress your interviewer. You will need to understand the interviewer questions and only address the interviewer’s expectation in your answer. John failed to do so.

3. Learn to Look for Your own Style Under Stress

John tends to be silence & then violence at stress. He will avoid a conversation if he thinks it is not important or when he started to get nervous as what he has done to Linda. During the interview with the senior manager, he is controlling the conversation which made the senior manager to get bored and felt uneasy.

If John knows his style at stress, we will be able to manage the interview better.

If you have your own experience to share in handling an interview, please feel free to leave your comments below.

Till then,

Take care

Regards

Yusoff

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